Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Gift of Fatigue

Sitting here on my couch with a sleeping pug to each side of me, I am doing my best not to feel grouchy about my progress in life as of late. Yes, I know. Who's the judge of my progress? Who's defining what is good use of my time? Who's defining success? I know who (and I'm sure you all know the answer to that one as well). And she can be very judgmental crab.

I am not a person who has a lot of energy. I am working with a body that has very low adrenal function and I am tired/exhausted most of the time. I wake up tired. It's very frustrating. Little daily stressors send me over the edge in terms of energy drain and I often find it difficult to concentrate. Often something will strike me as interesting and I'll think to myself, "I'd like to explore that but I'm just so tired." I do have energy bursts depending on a number of factors but mostly, I literally have to force myself to leave the house to go do things that I'm incredibly excited to do. Like I said, very, very, frustrating.

I have tons of interests and things that I'd like to explore but what I have been doing most often is listening to others teach. I am a huge podcast junkie and my absolute favorites are Nan Akasha and Lisa Hayes. I also enjoy David Neagle and interviews from Conscious Media Network. Hundreds of hours of interviews with some of what I believe, are the most amazing minds on conscious living. I am sure there are more and if you have a favorite, don't hesitate to post it here. I'd love to have more to explore.

In any case, as all students of the Law of Attraction know, there must be a gift in everything that happens to us. I'd never really thought about the gift of adrenal fatigue...until today.

The severe lack of energy that I've been experiencing for a few years has caused me to be ok with being still. I've learned to be ok with just sitting and listening to my own thoughts. I've learned to be ok with sitting outside on a summer day watching how blades of grass respond when there is a slight breeze. And there is another gift. I am quite content to listen to others teach me what they know for extended periods of time. The previously mentioned list of individuals has helped me through a number of situations in my life and also helped me to rewire my thinking. I feel I am becoming a better person from the collective knowledge of all of the many teachers in my life, from podcasts, to books, to friends.

And so, that "forced" stillness has indeed benefited me tremendously. I have been able to be taught and had time to ponder these teachings and absorb them into my life. I've been "forced" to draw boundaries for myself. Fairly strict bedtimes and other times to rest are something that I've had to honor and make a priority in my life. I am not someone who will ever be answering emails at midnight, no way, no how.

I have to believe these years of "downtime" will serve me well. I feel through nutrition and energy work (and any other suggestions), I will be able to regain that lost vitality. I think I was just meant to take it all in for a while instead of running around like a crazy person, trying to multitask and juggle 50 different things in a day. I simply can't. I guess I am just supposed to be a patient student for a little while longer. Lucky me :-)